


Ian's 21st Birthday

by Mickey_Milkovich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 15:26:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5009968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_Milkovich/pseuds/Mickey_Milkovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey doesn't know what to do for Ian's birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ian's 21st Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to cleanse myself after that last fic I wrote so I wrote this and I'm sorry.

It was Ian's 21st birthday. To most people, it would've been considered a landmark birthday but since Ian grew up in a poor family in the ghetto, and poor families in the ghetto let their kids drink from a young age as long as they do it in the house and not in some place where "I can't be there to supervise", it wasn't really a big deal to anyone.

Except Mickey.

Mickey, who also came from a poor family in the ghetto who also let their kids drink from an early age but allowed them to do it anywhere because who the fuck cares about those little assholes, that's why, considered any landmark event in Ian's life celebration worthy. One time, Ian managed to get over a cold in under three days and Mickey ordered real empanadas for dinner from a genuine Mexican restaurant, not one of those fake ones run by white people. Let's not even get started about Ian's clean STD screening. So many blowjobs.

Anyway, Mickey went around to everyone, trying to figure out how he could properly celebrate Ian's birthday without just offering up his body to him like he usually did because he had low self esteem and figured that was all Ian really liked about him and that's okay as long as the lights were off because Mickey can't stand looking at his own thighs. 

Fiona, once the caring matriarch of the Gallagher family, was busy trying to figure out who she was in love with this week. It was either some loser she's a little too good for but who makes her feel good because she's better than him, or a semi-rich dude who's family will never accept her because she's misunderstood south side trash. Mickey walked into the kitchen and tried to get her attention, but she was on the phone, so he did what any uppity gay boy would do, and he grabbed her phone, shoved it into the kitchen sink's drain, dumped leftovers on it, jammed a broom down the drain, smashed it all together, and turned on the garbage disposal. He had her attention then.

When he asked what she thought Ian might like for his birthday, she suggested a Pound Puppy stuffed animal because Ian loved Pound Puppies. Little did she know that Ian only liked Pound Puppies because he needed to believe that something dirty, poor, and sad- such as himself- could one day be loved in order to make it through his pre-teen and teenage years without offing himself with a bottle of sleeping medication and his sister's birth control cause he didn't know what they were but they're pills, so too many would kill him, right? Mickey realized Fiona hadn't paid attention to Ian since before he got his first spontaneous boner in biology when he was looking at a diagram of a flaccid penis on an overhead projector. So he gave up and decided to leave. 

Turning to walk away, he noticed Jimmy at the kitchen table, staring at a cup of coffee. When Mickey asked why he was even there, Jimmy just shrugged and started crying.

Mickey decided to go to the next oldest Gallagher. Lip was walking around smoking when Mickey found him. He asked if Lip knew what Ian might like for his birthday and Lip made a comment about him probably wanting a new boyfriend. Mickey didn't get mad, though, because he knew Lip had a tendency to project what his feelings were onto others in order to make them feel like a piece of shit, as he did. You see, Lip was never satisfied with what he had. One time, he had a 2-pack of Hostess cupcakes and Mickey saw him take a bite out of one and toss it in the gutter, as he does with everything he puts his dirty mouth on, and proceed eating the second one until it was almost gone, then he tossed it aside as well, only to go grab a pack of Twinkies instead. But, yeah, Mickey told Lip that he wanted to do something special for Ian because he loved him. Lip just shook his head, looked off into the distance, threw his barely smoked cigarette in the street, grabbed a new one, lit it, and asked, "what's love, anyway?" Then he walked off to nowhere in particular, leaving Mickey standing there wishing he hadn't stopped doing cocaine.

Then he thought of Debbie. Debbie was usually the voice of reason in the Gallagher house, so he headed back and ran up the stairs to her room. He knocked first because God only knew what teenage girls did behind closed doors. Fucking animal sacrifices and voodoo shit. She opened it, looking like she dunked her face in a Harry Potter pensieve of whore makeup. He took a step back and she seemed annoyed, like she usually did now about everything that wasn't about men. Mickey got straight to the point and asked her what Ian would want for his birthday and Debbie replied with "Dick. That's what everyone wants." Because that's all she seemed to want. Before Mickey could respond by telling her that Ian got dick on the regular, Debbie slammed the door in his face and he was left in the hall, a little sad at what she had become.

As he turned to leave again, Mickey saw Liam standing at the end of the hall. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Mickey asked if he talked yet. Liam shook his head even though he was like 14 years old now or something and Mickey walked by him, leaving the house with little to no hope.

Carl was the last of the Gallagher's Mickey could ask because trying to find Frank would be like trying to find character personality continuity on a late night drama on Showtime. He found Carl doing hood rat stuff with his friends and it reminded him of himself. He always liked Carl, which was why it upset him that Carl had turned into such a stereotype. Seriously, though, he had so much potential and it was just wasted. Carl asked what kind of "butt stuff" Mickey and Ian hadn't done yet, and suggested they then do said butt stuff. It was stupid because Mickey fully intended on doing every butt thing he could imagine. Like, why wouldn't he think of that, you know? Have you seen their butts? Mickey left, shaking his head and muttering something about pure cinnamon rolls.

He felt hopeless and headed home, literally kicking rocks with his hands in his pockets until a large vehicle pulled up beside him. As he turned to tell them his sweet ass wasn't for sale, he was shocked to see his sister in the passenger seat, smiling at him. He was elated to see her, and even happier to see Sheila driving and not Mandy's now-ex-boyfriend what's-his-face. It turns out when Sheila left, she ran into Mandy and her boyfriend in a diner and killed him because she was secretly a little bit crazier than anyone thought but in a good way, and she took Mandy under her wing because "poontang before wang" or something. When Mickey asked where Karen was, Sheila shrugged and said "Who?" Then they all dropped it.

Mickey asked his sister what to get Ian for his birthday and she called him a dumbass cocksucker, because she loves him, and told him to get a cake. Then Sheila drove off and Mickey sauntered off to the store. He found a cake for $8.99. It looked like shit but he was poor and he needed a pack of cigarettes so he got it and headed home. 

Their house was a mess, so Mickey got on his hands and knees and shoved everything he could under the couch, then threw the rest out the back window. He was sort of a neat freak. 

When Ian got home, he looked a little tired, which was something Mickey hated because he knew that Ian was out all day/night rubbing his junk on old men for money, which was totally okay even when he was underage cause he's a guy and it's not damaging for them at all, and it doesn't matter if he's mentally ill and fucks for money cause at least we get to see his ass like once a season so yay. Anyway though, Mickey walked over all antsy like and pulled Ian to the kitchen to show him what he had done.

Mickey wasn't a chef or anything, but if you want a fuckin frozen burrito cooked to perfection, he was the man you'd call, and he'd done just that. He even put them on those clear plastic Chinet plates. None of that paper shit. Ian was floored by the expertise Mickey used when it came to the blob of sour cream next to the burrito.

"Did you get real napkins?" Ian asked. Mickey leaned in closer.

"Folded paper towels in half." He said. Ian looked at him.

"And you-" 

"Ovaltine, yeah." Ian spun Mickey around and pressed him against the stove.

"Mick, that's like four bucks."

"You're so worth it." Mickey said, all breathy and whatnot. Ian stared at him for a second before backing up a little and punching Mickey in the face, because he loved him so much and that's how they show it. So Mickey punched him back and they swore at each other a little before Mickey choked him, then let go as Ian was turning purple. After they caught their breath, they smiled at each other and kissed with just enough tongue to keep people interested. After that, they fucked a few times, trying out the butt stuff they hadn't tried out yet, but you're not gonna see it or read anything about it because it's none of your business apparently. They forgot all about the cake and burritos, and instead fell asleep naked in each other's arms, like guys do.

No homo.

**Author's Note:**

> I already said I was sorry. Fuck off.


End file.
